Thursday, April 2, 2009

What does a wife look like?

April fools day has recently past, and I wanted to do something that surprised my wife in a nice way. Since my wife is here most of the time when I am, it is not so easy to write a blog on your own wife's website without getting noticed. She was at a Tupperware party when I started this article.

Before I get started with the contents of this article, I would like to suggest a new name for April Fools Day. May I suggest "April Surprise Day." Most of what happens in honor of April fools day amount to surprises anyway. I think that surprises of a nice nature are better than a surprise of a mean nature that could offend and hurt someone.

As Miriam knows, I love to surprise!

Okay, now on to the real topic. What does a wife look like? Okay, some of you at this point are saying, "why is this the topic of discussion?" How about the topic, "how does a husband look?" Well, I can try to give you a picture of how I look. Here is one.
So how do you like it? :-) I think I really look nice in this picture. I am smiling nicely. I actually think I look handsome!!!! (I have been told that a lot more lately :-) I am a good person. But if I would stop here and look at you with the expectation that you should agree with my self assessment of myself and agree that my self assessment is perfectly without bias, I think you would look at me with a funny expression on your face. I think if you kept looking at me, you would start to think that I looked like a hot-air balloon at 2000 ft in the air. The point is that self assessment is not always accurate. This fact becomes even more true when you get married. Your faults will get noticed. An if one expects that in marriage that your weaknesses should never ever be pointed out, I think marriage will be disappointing for the one with that expectation.
So, due to my inability to give an un-biased opinion of how I look, I am going to discuss "What does a wife look like?".

Well, there are two answers to this question: (1) there is the wife's perception about how she looks, and (2), the husbands perception of how she looks. Since I am the husband, I can only answer part (2). I do think that an honest and thoughtful answer to (2) will give the wife the ability to have a more accurate assessment of question (1). I wonder if it must be difficult for some married women to understand what you look like when you cannot see yourself without a mirror. However, I believe that if the husband is even half-way good at communicating, he will be able to help his wife understand what she looks like.

If giving an honest assessment is the goal, communication is not the starting point. One needs to understand the true condition of human kind. We are all sinners in need of a Saviour. For those of us who have invited Jesus into our lives as Lord, we are counted as "righteous towards God through Christ's atoning work of death at the cross and resurrection in place of our sins." However, we, in of ourselves, are not perfect.

I think that as Christians, we like to get to the point where we dub ourselves as spiritually mature. We've made it. We are now perfect. I never do anything wrong and never will need to confess any sin to God or anyone ever again. This type of attitude will render one to be completely incapable of giving an accurate assessment of how his wife (or her husband) really looks. I can tell you that what has made our marriage already stronger are those moments after we have done wrong against
each other when we repent of those wrongs to our spouse and ask forgiveness.

I have heard a lot of people say, "you will never totally understand your husband", or "you will never totally understand your wife." This is true, yes. But, I think this is not necessarily a helpful thing to say, because it encourages people to think negatively, "you will never understand your husband", or "you will never understand your wife." Never, you say?

I don't think that is true. There is truly much that can be understand about your wife. There is truly much that can be understand about your husband. If one acknowledges the true condition of the human heart, it will allow you to understand much about your husband, and your wife.

So what does understanding your wife have to do with conveying to her how she looks? Everything. I have always believed that a persons physical looks are due to two things: (1) a persons outward, physical looks, and (2) the inner person inside. I truly believe that (2) has a lot of influence over (1). I have always believed that "overall looks" is heavily influenced by who a person is inside.

My family liked to go to the mall every so often when I was a younger. I remember that me and my brother would sit down on a bench in the mall when we ran out of things to do and others were not finished shopping. My brother and I used to look at the girls going by. We would observe different girls going by and rate their looks on a scale of 1 to 10.

I truly felt that girls who appeared to be kind hearted truly looked physically better than those who looked mean spirited. You girls reading this article are probably starting to feel that you are being picked on. I will try to make up by saying this is also true for men too. When I first noticed one of my now best of friends, I spotted him in my refrigeration class at University of Illinois. I suspected he was a Christian, and later on, got to introduce myself at a extra-curricular Christian college group.

A true understanding of who you are in the Lord, coupled with a Christlike love for people around you, will cause people to notice your looks. "Let your light so shine..", as Jesus said. The end of that verse concludes, "so that they may give glory to God in heaven." If people see that type of light in you, they are going trust you more when you tell a person how they look. I need to have That Light, so that I can truly help my wife understand more fully who she is, in Christ.

So John, you ask, how have you been enabled to see how your new wife Miriam looks? Well, when I first saw her pictures, I felt that she was a fun loving person with a very genuine personality. I soon learned that whenever I wrote a letter to her, she would always write back. I felt that she was a good looking girl when I first visited her in Alabama. After that first visit, I drove back to Illinois with a particular word in my mind that I thought is well descriptive of Miriam. "Dedicated." I enjoyed discovering how important her family and church friends were to her, and how she was dedicated in using her time to serve them. At work she also was dedicated to helping her company succeed. My appreciation of her grew to the point where I couldn't imagine anyone else to be my wife. God lead from that point, and now, here we are today.

And now, I get to see what a wife really looks like. There have been many times when I have come home to an empty home. But now I have so much. Miriam is a real girl, and a real wife. All men should aspire to marry a woman like Miriam. And all woman should aspire to be a wife like her as well. That is my truly un-biased opinion. It is fun having a wife like Miriam.

Having a beautiful girl with a good heart as a wife has been a real treat these seven months. I now understand why my Dad took so many pictures of my Mom. During our engagement, I wanted more than ever to have a good camera to take great pictures of Miriam.

As you know, a picture is worth a thousand words. So my camera is a handy tool. Here are some pictures of "what does a wife look like?"
Miriam, at the zoo. She looks most natural with a backpack strapped on.

Miriam, smiling very nicely for the camera while John tries to get her to smile by saying words like "chocolate", or "roller coaster". I think she is really thinking that I am being funny.
Miriam, smiling really nicely as she rolls out rotis at camping. She is sporting her skills at smiling, plus she loves me taking pictures of her, plus we are at camping, which she really likes.Miriam eating something chocolate.

Miriam showing her "dedicated" look. I think that some would try to point out that she is simply looking "focused". But I would say that it is a "dedicated focus."

Miriam, looking cute when fiddling with her sowing machine.If you are looking around for Miriam and can't find her, then maybe try looking up. You just might find her climbing up a tree.

Miriam has a passion for children. Any quality girl will have a passion for children. She just happened to marry someone with an equal passion for children as well. Just ask people in my church.

Miriam shopping and looking for the most ounces per cents. It is a blessing to have a wife who is diligent with money. If you unmarried guys find a girl like this, marry her.


PoetLady said...


Treasure each other, you two have something very rare and very precious.

Thanks for loving my sister like this, John. I couldn't wish for any better husband for her.


Miriam said...


Thanks for taking the time to write such a sweet post! You wrote this with time you could have used to write music or do something else that was just for you. But you used your time to surprise me. I am so very blessed and happy to be married to you!

I love you!


Natalie said...

I love that you acknowledged John's sacrifice of time for this. True love is esteeming others higher than yourself. He does this with his time, efforts, and writing. I love that we have an example of what love looks like from both of you here!
Love ya!